About three months ago, just before the new year, I was lying in bed reading when it hit me that I was facing a year of endings. My life has a curious mixture of crossroads, bad choices, and luck - about like anyone, I suppose - and many of those are coming to an end, whether by time or by choice:
My divorce.
My time with Teach for America.
My Master's degree (and higher education for the foreseeable future).
My mid-twenties.
My horrible relationship with money.
My time in the United States.
My obsession with owning.
My living alone.
"But every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end" sang Semisonic, and I have collected song lyrics like other people collect Instagram mottos. But this one sticks out as always pertinent, and as many endings as I face, I suppose I face beginnings.
Somewhere along the way on my search for happiness, I believe I managed to lose myself. A year of endings is, perhaps, exactly what I need (and what many of us need) in order to explore the person I am beneath all of the stuff I have accumulated, the varied roles I play, the expectations I place upon myself, and the 26 years worth of baggage I have been dragging around like a teddy bear stuffed with a dozen bowling balls. Just as Earth must take time to embrace endings and regenerate in the season of winter so she may once again bring forth life, we humans must accept the Winters of our own lives and appreciate them for the stillness and opportunities for reflection that they give. No one can bear the constant birth of Spring, the endless creativities and opportunities of Summer; we must learn to let go with the Fall and take time to rebirth ourselves into something more spectacular than the previous seasons could conceive of. This is a year of endings and of Endings.
A New Zealand winter sunrise;
whatever our Winters may bring, as sure as fire,
the sun will continue to bring the new day.
My divorce.
My time with Teach for America.
My Master's degree (and higher education for the foreseeable future).
My mid-twenties.
My horrible relationship with money.
My time in the United States.
My obsession with owning.
My living alone.
"But every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end" sang Semisonic, and I have collected song lyrics like other people collect Instagram mottos. But this one sticks out as always pertinent, and as many endings as I face, I suppose I face beginnings.
Somewhere along the way on my search for happiness, I believe I managed to lose myself. A year of endings is, perhaps, exactly what I need (and what many of us need) in order to explore the person I am beneath all of the stuff I have accumulated, the varied roles I play, the expectations I place upon myself, and the 26 years worth of baggage I have been dragging around like a teddy bear stuffed with a dozen bowling balls. Just as Earth must take time to embrace endings and regenerate in the season of winter so she may once again bring forth life, we humans must accept the Winters of our own lives and appreciate them for the stillness and opportunities for reflection that they give. No one can bear the constant birth of Spring, the endless creativities and opportunities of Summer; we must learn to let go with the Fall and take time to rebirth ourselves into something more spectacular than the previous seasons could conceive of. This is a year of endings and of Endings.
A New Zealand winter sunrise;
whatever our Winters may bring, as sure as fire,
the sun will continue to bring the new day.
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